My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And then he peed in my hair
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