Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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