we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
