He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
