i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
