Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
