Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
