if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will pee on everything he values.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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