yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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