Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
