Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
