I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
