I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
