Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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