He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
