This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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