Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
