someone owes me an orgasm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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