I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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