she woke up with a sticky ear
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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