I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
