Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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