do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
