I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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