lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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