9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
