look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
wow bdsm is so cute
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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