my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What a dumb baby whore.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
