drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is Oprah even human
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
