Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
