it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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