i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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