I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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