Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
