Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
