he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
