The maid of honor just puked.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
