My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
