Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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