That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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