Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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