I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Someone shattered a urinal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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