did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
