thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
