ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Boobs are out for the taking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
