my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
