well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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