I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
