Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
