Plan B is the new Plan A
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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