Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So much rum. So many feels.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
