My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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