How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
