Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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