you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
