You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is wine microwaveable?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
