'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
