ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
