I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Enjoy the penises
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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